The Heart Test: Part 1c - When Finishing Feels Too Far
What Saul’s heart teaches us about spiritual follow-through, discernment, and obedience
(Pictured: My youngest daughter Selah and I, pictured at Pine Cove July 2025)
When finishing feels too far
I recently came to the end of a six-month fasting journey. It was marked by discipline, dependence, and a desire for deeper union with Christ. It began with so much clarity. I knew the Lord was calling me to it, and for a while, I followed through with focus and faith.
But toward the end, it got harder.
What had once felt sacred started to feel inconvenient. I found myself skipping fasts I believed God had asked of me. Quietly, subtly, I began to drift from what I had committed to.
And right around that same time, I found myself in a repeated battle with my oldest daughter over obeying the first time.
It wasn’t lost on me.
Here I was, urging her to respond quickly and wholeheartedly, while I was slow to follow through on something God had clearly asked of me.
Obedience is easy to commit to at the beginning. It’s much harder to finish when the path gets long.
That’s exactly where we meet Saul.
After Scripture introduces Saul as externally impressive (remember Idris, Damson, and Kofi levels of tall, handsome, and wealthy from part 1b?), we’re given the first glimpse of Saul's heart.
Saul’s father had lost his donkeys, and Saul, along with a servant, was sent to find them. According to 1 Samuel 9:4, they traveled through multiple regions in search of the animals. Based on the locations mentioned and assuming they were on foot, this journey likely took anywhere from three to five days. According to ChatGPT, so hold that loosely.
By this point though, Saul was ready to give up. He says in verse 5:
“Come, let us go back, lest my father cease to care about the donkeys and become anxious about us.”
It sounds reasonable, right? A caring son, ready to return home. But look closer. Saul was willing to abandon the assignment before it was complete. Just a few days in, and he was ready to quit.
That’s when the servant speaks up. What he says changes the direction of Saul’s life.
“But the servant replied, ‘Look, in this town there is a man of God. He is highly respected, and everything he says comes true. Let’s go there now. Perhaps he will tell us what way to take.’” — 1 Samuel 9:6
The servant’s wisdom reveals a clear difference between him and Saul.
Saul looked like a leader. He had the appearance, the stature, the background. But the servant was the one who brought spiritual clarity.
When Saul hesitated again, concerned they had nothing to bring the prophet, the servant had already thought ahead. He was prepared with cash, on hand!
“Look,” the servant said, “I have a quarter of a shekel of silver. I will give it to the man of God so that he will tell us what way to take.” — 1 Samuel 9:8
From these few verses, we can take away two major insights about Saul’s heart in order to see ours more clearly:
He lacked spiritual initiative. He was ready to give up without even seeking God’s direction.
Though he would eventually be anointed and called to leadership, he had to be led into obedience early on. He wasn’t actively seeking God's voice.
But this isn’t just about Saul’s heart. Of course, this is about ours too.
How often do you receive a clear assignment from God, but when the road gets long or the results seem unclear, you start talking yourself out of it?
We soften our disobedience with noble-sounding reasons. We say things like, “Maybe the timing’s off,” or “Maybe this wasn’t the right door.” But deep down in the crevices of our hearts, we know, it’s quitting dressed up as discernment.
Sometimes we stop short of the goal, not because God has closed a door, but because we weren’t expecting the door to require patience.
So here’s the question. When obedience gets inconvenient, do you keep going? Do you seek out wisdom and spiritual guidance like the servant did? Or, do you seek reasons to quit on what God has put in front of you to do.
Getting personal
I have to admit, I see myself in Saul more often than I’d like. I’m not always proactive. I don’t always prepare like I should. This part of Saul’s story pushes me to ask: What kind of person am I becoming when the journey doesn’t go as expected?
Saul was on assignment but wasn’t deeply anchored. The servant, on the other hand, came ready for what the road might require of him. He knew when to ask for help, where to go for it, and how to honor the man of God (Samuel). They went looking for donkeys but the servant had what he needed for whatever came up.
That challenges me.
Are we living with that kind of spiritual readiness? Are we paying attention to the wisdom in those God has already placed around us? The servant’s posture wasn’t just practical. God used what looked like a mundane errand to find donkey’s to move Saul closer to his anointing.
More on that soon.
But for now, I have to wonder… How often do we miss the hand of God because it’s hidden in ordinary steps of obedience?
Apply It
It’s easy to begin what God asked us to do. It’s harder to keep going when the path stretches longer than we expected or requires more of us that we hoped to give. But like the servant, we are called to walk with spiritual eyes open, ready to seek wisdom, honor God, and follow through.
So pause and consider:
Where might God be asking you to stay the course instead of turning back?
Have you already disqualified something simply because it feels too small or inconvenient?
What would it look like to be spiritually prepared, even for what feels mundane?
Don’t underestimate the journey. Even a donkey search can lead to destiny.It’s time to finish what God started.
It’s time to do the heart work
This was a piece that spoke to me as I sat in the car while my dog was at the groomer. For the first time in days I was actually alone. We move on the 21-22nd, move into temporary quarters for two weeks (Thank the good Lord for generous daughters). Our household goods will be delivered on the 31st, four doors down from our granddaughter. There's so much to the story of how this came about. It's all about God's timing and miraculous working. However, I was convicted of saying I simply trusted God when I actually was fearful... and missing time with God constantly. I realized that my disconnect with God had weakened my faith and trust, making this ADD/Complex PTSD girl flopping on her back like a beetle, with no way to right herself and walk through her emotional confusion...but finally sitting alone helped me to recognize my heart condition. I have confessed my diseased heart to God and asked Him to help me use my toolbox to help me manage better. I also have a question. What tools do you use to manage your daughter's lack of cooperation? It's hard when our children choose disobedience.